January 27, 2018

No more Good Girls.

How many of you grew up to be the Good Girl? The girl that pleases everyone. The girl who always puts everyone else's needs first. Even at her own expense. The girl who doesn't even know she has a choice, that she - her wants and needs - are of as much value as anyone else's. I did.

I've been finding myself saying Good Girl to Grace a lot lately (comes out like I'm on auto pilot or something) - when I want to give her thanks for doing as I say, for doing the "right" thing, a good thing... And every time I do, I find myself feeling bad. Every time something tells me I'm doing the wrong thing. Because being a Good Girl has actually been the worst thing I have been. Being a Good Girl I never knew I had choice. That my will mattered. That it was of value. That I was of value. Instead I thought my will was a burden. Ugly. Unattractive. Annoying. I was meant to please other's will. I was meant to take others into consideration. Other people's wills, wants, choices and needs.

So, as I'm using Good Girl as a way of expressing my appreciation to Grace, my thank you - why am I not saying that, what I actually mean - Thank You! Would that change anything? Where would that lead? Would it lead to Grace knowing I am grateful for her choice? That her choice matters? That she has a choice. That her will matters? Will she teach herself which choice feels good and which not? Will she learn that her self worth is not in if she pleases others (not even me), but in the choices she decides to make. Will she feel the freedom of knowing she is loved for who she is - not for being a Good Girl. Because children do understand, that where there's good there is bad. And for a child, being bad means being unloved. And no one wants to be unloved, least a child. So a child will do everything in their power to stay loved. And in the quest to do so, the child's own will and person disappears, as all she seeks out are ways to be a good girl. To be The Good Girl. To be loved.



January 24, 2018

Once you go gut, you can't go 'but'.

To listen to one's gut/intuition. That's a tricky one sometimes. Some might even say they can't hear it. Don't have it, never have (=ultimate untruth). Think their life is simply too hectic, too busy, too noisy to have the peace and quiet - or even the opportunity - to hear it. That one simply isn't one of the lucky ones to just go through life following one's feeling. But it doesn't work like that. The gut is a whisper, yes. And the more zen you are, the louder the voice of the gut becomes. But you don't ever have to start off with being super zen to hear your gut. The voice is there - and you know it. You just need to dare listen to it, dare believe it - over your brain - when it says something.

If I had to give the brain one word, it would be 'but'. 'But' is the brain's absolute favourite. Because after 'but' comes all the reasons (read excuses); why something simply could not happen, why something would never work, why it is not the right time, why something is just plain impossible, and so on and so on and so on. The brain tells us that following one's gut would be dangerous, risky, full of drama. But it only says that, because drama is the brain's expertise. Drama is actually all our brain knows. Risk assessment. From danger. And danger = drama. But the truth is, that my life has only been drama when I've chosen to ignore my gut and allowed for my brain to take the lead. When I've come up with excuses instead of being brave enough to listen to, and believe, what my intuition is telling me. And all of a sudden everything feels like hell. Nothing runs smoothly and nothing goes my way. But that's not life's, that is not the circumstances' nor anyone else's fault. That is me not owning up to the responsibility of listening to, and believing, my gut.

It's so much easier to believe the brain, isn't it. Because that's what we're taught. That we have this mighty, wise brain. The most important thing. And we hear it so loud, because it is so frigging loud. Drama always is. But life flows in a different way when you follow your gut. Of course, there will always be challenges, but the wave is different. The ease. The evolution. One moves forward in a different way. There's never the feeling of having to force something to happen. There's acceptance. Balance. Harmony. In a very different way.

So what if you tried it. Follow your gut. Wait for the smallest of feelings. That tiny little tenth of a second, when something tells you to do something. You'll know it's your gut talking, if your brain starts going all crazy with reasons as to why you should not follow through with it.



January 20, 2018

About hairy women.

The world will never change if we don't have the courage to change ourselves. To go out of our comfort zone, to go against and question the norm. There is such great injustice in so many things in this world. So much inequality. And I know body hair might not seem like the biggest of them all. But it is actually huge. It is a great injustice; the woman cannot feel accepted in her natural state, whilst the man is free to do so. The man can walk the street with armpit hair sticking out, and no one would ever think to question or point it out to him. But if a woman has the audacity to do so, the whole world feels they have the right to point out how disgusting she is. How unsanitary, how provocative. How she should feel ashamed.

I started shaving when I was about 12 or 13 years old. I started because I was told (by example, by society, by commercials, magazines....) that my bodily hair is absolutely disgusting. And ever since, I have never done anything not aware of my body hair. I have never been close or intimate with someone and not thought about if the my stubby legs or armpits or whatever were off putting. And if I was newly shaved, I thought about how I luckily was so. I have never put on a bikini, worn shorts or gone to the sauna not thinking about my body hair. Not even if I was alone. I have never raised my arms in front of someone not thinking if my armpits are shaved enough. My body hair has been a prison for me my whole adolescent and adult life. And now I'm looking at Grace, thinking: Is this something I want to pass on? The answer is: absof*ckinglutely NOT. I want her to be free from this prison. To enjoy, to feel empowered, beautiful, accepted - just the way she is. To never have a doubt. But I cannot simply teach her that by telling her, if I don't lead by example, because she will imitate all I do. She already does. And there's no escaping the fact, that if I shave, she will shave. This is actually a major issue for me right now, as it's the most scariest thought ever: to be hairy. In public. In front of Sam. In front of my friends and family. Even in front of myself. 
So the question now is: Will I be a coward and just put the responsibility of being brave enough to brake free onto Grace, or will I step up and be the change I wish to see...