October 25, 2016

Dream. And when it all goes wrong: Dream.

What does a dream consist of? Expectations.
What is the risk of expectations? Disappointment.
What is disappointment? Anger, sadness, frustration and confusion.
Where do these emotions leave you? In hesitance.
What is hesitance? Fear.
Does fear mean that your expectations were too high? No.
Do unaccomplished or unfulfilled expectations mean that a dream is unrealistic? No.
How come? Because a dream is defined by something that is not (yet) real.
With expectations we further our dream into reality.
And through disappointment we trial if our faith in the unreal truly is real enough.
So just continue your dream.



October 22, 2016

The fear of life.

So it all ends there: at something we dread. Something we've heard so many horror stories about: the birth. The painful, dangerous, uncertain and did I say painful birth. Where anything and everything can go wrong. Where we poo in front of others, rip, bleed, and once again - agonise in pain.

For nine months we've gone through this miracle of growing a new life inside of us, a brand new human being. Someone who will go on living and creating their own path on this planet, change our lives, and maybe even change the world. And yet, the pain of the birth of this person steers us towards disbelief and despair, even causing severe anxiety for many. Such a sad way to end the journey of having grown a life.

What is it in us humans that makes us so terrified of pain? Physical and emotional. We fear it so much, that we even allow for it to overshadow many of our experiences. We even tend to avoid experiences - because of the fear of possible pain. Physical and emotional.

I myself used to dread the thought of giving birth. And yes, only because of the pain. It started with the horror stories I'd seen on TV, and now, in my adult life, I suddenly found myself surrounded by the phenomena of people feeling the need to "tell the truth" about birth. All the not so beautiful things. The things they wished they had known. There seems to be this trend to spread all that can go wrong. The multiple sorts of negative effects and pain that birth has and will have on a woman's body. To burst the bubble of birth only being beautiful, as "that is not reality". It's people feeding each other's fears. And I for one used to believe all of this. I used to think these experiences were the truth for everyone - and therefore definitely would be the truth for me. In my head I had collected all of the horror stories I had heard and gathered them into becoming the truth of my own experience. That is, until I started thinking for myself. Because, like everything else in life, why would I let other people's fears determine my experience of life? Just like the people, who in the beginning of my artistic path, told me no one lives off art in Finland - I chose not to listen nor to believe in their fear based words - and therefore proved them wrong. Just like the person who told me, when my life had hit a wall, that maybe I was reaching too high - I chose not to listen to advice based on this person's own restrictions and fears - and got even higher. I now choose not to listen to advice, words or even experiences that are based on fear anymore. Not the fears of others and not the fears of myself. Because this fear stems from the fear of feeling pain. The pain of discomfort, disappointment, heart ache, uncertainty and more. But this fear, which we allow to so often steer ourselves, is not the truth. It has no reason and no base. It's simply based on avoiding pain. And why would we want to do that? Isn't a heart that has loved the most beautiful of things? Isn't a chance taken the best of bravery? And isn't a new life born the ultimate miracle of life?

I am now looking forward to experiencing the pain that will lead to the little person inside of me being born. For her to come out - this pain is needed. It's the magical process of muscles cramping, of body and tissue adapting - all to give birth. My body is meant to feel this pain. It's the pain that will lead her into my arms. And the whole experience of pain is only temporary - as pain most often is.

So just like every other pain that I've experienced in my life so far - physical and/or emotional - has brought me to a higher level and to a better self - so will absolutely this one.
There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.



October 19, 2016

Am I fat?

I have gained 775 grams/week during the last four weeks of my pregnancy. On the wall of the health centre, next to the scale where every time you are supposed to weigh yourself, it says that gaining 500-1000 grams/week is normal. That puts me almost right in the middle of normal. Then whyyy is the comment of the doctor "Oh, that's a lot." What makes that so "a lot"?!? I am growing a healthy baby inside of me, and eating according to what my body says it at this time needs. And it needs food often right now. Therefore, I am naturally gaining weight - because I am supposed to. Or should I starve myself just to stay at the lowest gain of weight possible? What would the comments be then? Maybe I would look "better", but would I be doing my growing baby a favour?
I am fed up with the weight being such a central issue during pregnancy. Give women the peace and right to grow their baby - in which ever way their baby and body needs. We're so terrified of gaining weight in this world, that even in this blessed state there's nowhere to hide from the comments of the percieved ugliness of a woman growing in size.


78,6 kilos and proud of it.