Words from a new generation: Self-sacrifice is not a virtue.

 I do not believe in self-sacrifice. I do not believe there is good in sacrificing oneself for others. A promise can easily be made, but to keep a promise  - one might have to self-sacrifice. And to brake a promise might be staying true to oneself. Basically a promise cannot be held without the possibility of a future self-sacrifice. So to promise to always stay together - without knowing what lies or may not lie ahead - that is a promise I will not make.

I am but 34, but behind me I already have a whole other lifetime. I have already led the life of self-sacrifice. I have already experienced where thinking of oneself is selfish and sacrificing oneself considered virtue. I've lived it to the extent that I now know it is not the right way for me. It was not a happy life. It was not a life where I felt free. It was a life where I did not feel like my own. Life simply did not feel like the limitless gift it is. But what I saw were souls held prisoner to promises. Promises made from ancient expectations and beliefs of virtue. All for the good of holding together a relationship. Never for the good of oneself.

Twice I needed surgery. Twice my body screamed so loud. I was suffocating myself. Disappearing from inside. I am lucky enough to have led and awoken from that, already at this age. For I now know my truth. I now know what makes me happy. What truly feels right. And all of this I found from finding out what was not right. My truth is to be true to myself. To love and to respect myself. To therefore keep myself healthy, happy and feeling free. I realise these words can easily be misread and/or misunderstood, as words like 'free' and 'me', are words many are deeply afraid of and/or recent when it comes to relationships. I have been called selfish for talking and thinking like this. Maybe someone might think I am not in it to win it. But I know my truth. I know what 'free' means to me. I know that a promise not made is a life honoured and a person respected. I know that being true to myself, is the only way I can be my true self to another person. And that the the people who truly love me will want nothing less. I know that I am strong enough to listen to my heart and not to my fears. And I know that only - only - by "allowing" and wishing for a person to feel free and to stay true to themselves, will I have the true pleasure and absolute honour of seeing and experiencing the best of this person. The truest of this person. And for a person I love with heart and soul, I would want nothing less.

This is my virtue.

True love,

Carolina

So flawed. So perfect.

What is 'perfect'? Something without flaws? What are flaws? Something that doesn't match our expectations? And then what are expectations? The truth, or our wish of what should be truth? No harm in wishing. None at all. But when things don't go the way we hoped they would, there is always a reason for that.

I have two tattoos. A star and the word 'magic'. Neither of them are "perfect". Inked to my skin forever - and flawed. When 'magic' turned out bad, even after I went to fix it, I chose to allow that to be what was supposed to be. I knew there was a reason, but a reason I just hadn't figured out yet. I now wear a precious ring on the finger that holds my 'magic', so yesterday I was asked if the flaws that my tattoo still holds continue to bother me. And they did a little. Until yesterday, they did. But today I fell in love. Today I got its meaning. I looked at my 'magic' and something in me said: "Even if it is not perfect, it still is magic." Magic is still magic, even if it's not what I expected it to be. A star is still a star, even if it is not what I expected it to be. And there it is: my whole life philosophy in one. There are no such things as flaws, simply altered reality. I choose to see life, its experiences, its challenges and its hurdels with joy. For what it is, what it wants, what it needs and is meant to be - is exactly what it will be. In all its perfect imperfections. But I have not always lived like this. And when I didn't, all I had was disappointments. All I felt was suffocation and stagnation, as my expectations were suffocating life, and therefore slowly suffocating me.

Now I am engaged - to this perfect man. ;) And what my promise to this man is and will be, is that I will allow life to be exactly what it wants, is meant, and needs to be. Always - and for both of us. I am therefore getting married without the promise of an earthly forever. For the only thing that can truly be forever is love. And love can be shown - love is shown - in so many different ways. Love can be the crisis that awoke you. Love can be the hurt that made you change your life. Love can be the stroke that soothes you, the kiss that awakens you. All of this is love. And in all of its perfection, it is the most imperfect thing.


So love. Always.


Love,

Carolina

True little devils.

Are you a true little devil - or just a figment of what I truly believe. A mirror to the shadows in me, an ambassador of my deepest of fears. I hate you but I love you, for in you I can blame it all. I can hang you and forget you. But then true little devils somehow always reappear.
But if you listen to your devil, shed light on why she's here. Then your true little devil will now be your truest virtue. And your true little devil will hereby forever disappear.



Listen, love, learn.

Carolina

My family of magic.

Magic is made in an orange pealed, on the frozen water of a crispy winter day. Of a candle-lit breakfast in the midst of dark December rains. A brake in the sun, an unexpected hug - an awakening to the beauty of life.

There are endless dimensions to every moment. In every angle of life. My pockets weigh heavy of magic. My life speaks heavy of its truth. In my family of magic, we had a lot of what everyone goes through. We were lucky, we were blessed, we fought and we divorced. But the sun that shone on our faces, the warmth of those magical moments, are what grew to be the flame of this life. The place from where I shine through. For beauty cannot reach us, if beauty is not what we see. And magic cannot be reality, if magic is not what we believe.

In my family of magic, life is what we had. And magic where its dimensions were made.


To mamma, pappa, Tofi and Fredi.


Love you all,

Nina

When it all goes bad.

Things happen. To all of us. Life happens. To all of us. For some, life is unfair. For some, everything and everyone is forever against them. Especially the ones they've given the most to. These become the truly ungrateful ones.

For others, life is always fair. For others, where everything goes bad, lies the greatest of possibility. The best of chance. For others, life is opportunity - not circumstance. There are lessons - not blame. Responsibility - not victimhood. And when some meet others, some will eventually find fault in what they see. Flaws in how others are. And some will attempt to change others. To turn others around. To make others into what some say is right. And when some do not succeed, some will feel fury and anger. And some will then attack. Some will call others ignorant, stupid, incapable and immature. Ungrateful and unfair. But some will only do this, for this is all that some know of. Of all that others are forever and always doing that is wrong.

Some love,

Carolina