I am but 34, but behind me I already have a whole other lifetime. I have already led the life of self-sacrifice. I have already experienced where thinking of oneself is selfish and sacrificing oneself considered virtue. I've lived it to the extent that I now know it is not the right way for me. It was not a happy life. It was not a life where I felt free. It was a life where I did not feel like my own. Life simply did not feel like the limitless gift it is. But what I saw were souls held prisoner to promises. Promises made from ancient expectations and beliefs of virtue. All for the good of holding together a relationship. Never for the good of oneself.
Twice I needed surgery. Twice my body screamed so loud. I was suffocating myself. Disappearing from inside. I am lucky enough to have led and awoken from that, already at this age. For I now know my truth. I now know what makes me happy. What truly feels right. And all of this I found from finding out what was not right. My truth is to be true to myself. To love and to respect myself. To therefore keep myself healthy, happy and feeling free. I realise these words can easily be misread and/or misunderstood, as words like 'free' and 'me', are words many are deeply afraid of and/or recent when it comes to relationships. I have been called selfish for talking and thinking like this. Maybe someone might think I am not in it to win it. But I know my truth. I know what 'free' means to me. I know that a promise not made is a life honoured and a person respected. I know that being true to myself, is the only way I can be my true self to another person. And that the the people who truly love me will want nothing less. I know that I am strong enough to listen to my heart and not to my fears. And I know that only - only - by "allowing" and wishing for a person to feel free and to stay true to themselves, will I have the true pleasure and absolute honour of seeing and experiencing the best of this person. The truest of this person. And for a person I love with heart and soul, I would want nothing less.
This is my virtue.