She's cold as ice. (Finally.)

I don't care anymore. For once in my life I am able to honestly, sincerely say, that I don't care. I don't care what others do, say, feel, think, choose, are. Anymore. Finally. Finally I've found the place in myself, where I feel safe enough in myself to be able to let my surroundings be exactly what they are. And respect what that 'exactly' is. I finally care so much, that I don't have to care anymore.
    Because what we so often call 'caring' is in reality simple meddling. We "care", so we try to steer our object of this care in the "right" direction. We think, and tell ourselves (and our object), that we do all of this - just because we care. So much. So, so, sooo much. That we only want what's best for our object. And so we meddle. Oh, sorry, we care. But is what we feel is right or best, a definite right or best for our object? Or isn't it right or best only for ourselves and/or in our opinion? (If you really stop and think at this point, you will surely realise that there are as many perceptions of  'right' and 'best' as there are personalities.) So do we then really care about our object, if we don't even care enough to respect what our object feels he/she wants or chooses to be or do?
    So yes, I've finally stopped (this kind of) caring. I can finally love and respect all you guys so much that I won't even care if you think I'm cold as ice for not caring anymore.


Lovelovelove,

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram

Love doctor.

How do you move on after you've had your heart broken? How do you get over that someone treated you badly? Cheated, ignored, lied, dismissed, betrayed, belittled you... All while disguising themselves in love.
    How do you get over that feeling of hopelessness and into that space where you still believe in love with fresh eyes? You ignore. You ignore what happened to you. You don't take it with you as a lesson; as something to forgive, but not forget. That's bullcrap I tell you. The trick is to forget. To forget and to ignore. You ignore what you don't like, what doesn't make you feel good. And you focus on what does. What did. I know it sounds so simple, and might feel hopeless. But it's really the best way to have a chance at a fresh start and a bright future. Or would you suck at a lollipop that tasted like old socks, just to remember what old socks smell like? I don't think so.


Love,

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram

Scarlett Johansson in a bikini.

Ladies, 

I know many of you will recognize this (unfortunately). If not through the role of the voyeur then probably through the role of the object. It's womanhood's Mordor: 
How we give eachother the evil eye.

We see headlines promising us Scarlett Johansson in a bikini. We don't click. (Unless it is to make ourselves feel bad or worse than we already do.) We see headlines promising us Scarlett Johansson in a bikini. But this time - with cellulite. Fanfare goes off in our heads, and there's a 99% chance we click. For oh, how we thrive in the proof of her imperfection. How we instantly feel better knowing she's not that superiour to us after all. For a beautiful woman is a threat. The biggest there is. At least we act like it. And in order to make her less of a threat, we desperately look for proof of imperfection or try to make her feel bad about herself. This happens when we pass eachother on the street or stand next to eachother in front of the bathroom mirror at a bar. It's a battlefield. We don't see eachother as friends, but as enemies. 

What is it that is so harmful, so personal to us, about another woman's exterior? Why do we have to look for flaws in others in order to feel better about ourselves? It's brutal; we're basically wishing ill on others in order to gain confidence in ourselves. 
Why? Is it for the men? Because if it is, then we really need to take a hard look in the mirror. And instead of comparing our bodyparts with one another's, start realising how demeaning we're being to ourselves and to eachother. How little value we put into ourselves. We're basically just here to be the prettiest one. The one who gets the man.
Let's seriously think about that for a moment. 



Yours truly, 

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram

Walking around in dirty laundry.

What defines us? What defines who we are?
Is it what we do? How we act? How we interact? How we talk to or about ourselves? How we talk to or about others? The choises we make - or don't make? What we show of ourselves? What others make us up to be? Our possessions or lack thereof? The smile we wear?

Or is it what we keep hidden that has the power? Our dirty laundry.
Our insecurities. Our shame. Our fear. Our secrets.
Is it the things we hope noone will find out about us, that prevent us from living the way we'd truly like? Is it the shame of past failure and/or mistakes that keeps us from trying again? Is it the fear of being exposed for what and who we truly are that makes us build walls around us?

What is it that defines us?
These insecurities? These fears? These secrets?
Or the fact that we let these things define us?


Love,

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram

Bad, bad boy.

It's not our job to understand the reason for other people's (bad) behaviour. To dig for the source of (in our opinion) all evil. Because we'll dig ourself into crazy if we start looking for the root of all action. As it is none of our business, nothing we need to understand. The only thing we need to understand is that behind every action there is a reason. A valid reason. For that particular person. That noone intentionally means to do harm. And if someone does, there is a reason for such. (Can you imagine the hurt one must feel if one feels the need to purposely spread hurt over others?) 

    Compassion, acceptance and understanding. That's what will make our own world more enjoyable. Very enjoyable, in fact. But still, some feel the need to hold on to the "right" to judge other people's behaviour - in the name of justice. Their perception of justice. Stubbornly holding on to the right to not let wrongdoers off the hook so easily. For bad behaviour is something one needs to be punished for... But it's not our right to act as a court of law on other people's behaviour. It's not our job nor right to parent others into our own ways. Into what feels comfortable for us. Because if we go on that path there will always be someone who thinks they're more right than us. Someone who'll put us in the defendant stand. Someone who'll parent us. Our own personal judge. Always. 

    So to practice compassion and acceptance for difference is what ultimately will make us feel free. Not building prisons for others.

Love,

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram

Like plum pie - and the crap that goes with it.

This is about intentions and outcome.

Do you think you can expect the outcome to be what you wished for, if your intent on how to get to that outcome is through concealment of your true intentions?
    Surely, one cannot be surprised that the outcome isn't what one hoped it would be, if one wasn't being honest about one's true intentions in the process. It's like having the intention to bake an apple pie, whilst using plums instead of apples. No matter what one's intentions were, one will still end up with a plum pie - and the crap that goes with it.

Love,

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram

Tinder ladies! (And gents.)

Whose responsibility is it to prove to us that what has happened to us in the past is not going to happen to us again? (Meaning experiences that have hurt us.) The next guy's/girl's? The guy/girl after the next one? 'Cause the guy/girl before proved to be a little bit better, but not completely. The third or forth guy/girl? Maybe not, but surely the fifth one has to be the one who proves they are not all jerks/the nagging type.

    NO. It's no one's responsibility. No one's but our own. We so often move from one relationship or meeting to another expecting the person we meet to change our view of people, to heal and fix all our past wounds. To prove to us - once and for all - that "they are not all like that". And we need to admit it; that this is what we do. We look for a partner to fix everything from a broken home, a father who never kept his promises, a mother who never said 'I love you', an ex who lied or cheated, to the lack of hobbies or the bad habits we have. And for as long as we expect someone else to carry all that responsibility, all the burdon of our past experiences, be The Perfect One who just magically changes our whole perception of people, we will never have it. As long as we keep treating the past as proof of how our present and future might be, it will be just that. (Try it if you like. It's true.) It's up to us to change our perception and our expectations. No one else. And if we keep looking to the past for "guidance" on how things will work out, how people are, we will never be able to change the wrong into the right.

    We are so used to comparing what we do have to what we did have. "He/she is more reliable than my ex", "He/she is more loving than my ex", "He/she doesn't drink as much as my ex", "He/she is less clingy than my ex".... We think this is giving compliments, being positive about the new person, but - once again - we are dragging the past into the present, somehow expecting the new person to prove the old one wrong. How can they do so if we keep focusing on the old? And can we focus on the old and still see the new one for who and what he/she really is? No, we can't. Because our main focus will be on the old, on the bad that we are trying to protect ourselves from. Doing all of this means we are not even capable of expecting anything other than similar or same experiences to what we've already had. And if we can't expect anything other than the old, we we will never see anything other than the old. And we can't meet what we cannot see... 

    The only way to meet someone totally new, someone who will prove them all wrong, is to stop digging for proof in our past. I'm sure you wouldn't agree that you yourself are proof of what someone else has done? 

    So before you swipe right the next time, be sure you've swiped your past to the left. And maybe the right swipe will get the chance of being your mr/mrs right.

Good luck!

Love,

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram

The what?

In our traditional minds experiences vanish as the people we experience them with do. In our traditional minds experiences are depended on persons, defined by persons; we think that what happens us is determined by who we at that moment share the eventuality with.
But it is not so. It is not who we experience something with that creates the moment. It's what we experience. The 'who' can change. The 'who' will in all likeliness change. It is the 'what' that will remain. The 'what' will continue to stay a fact. Let's take love felt and lost for example: the love does not vanish with the person - only the person does. It goes for magical weekend trips and getaways as well; the moments do not become less true simply because the person you witnessed them with shifts. You saw the magic, you felt the moment - the experience was real. The reality of what happened in and around you is not depended on the person you shared the moment with.
So if you're crying over a love lost - because we so often cry over love, as we think we lose it with a person - try changing the fact that you did love into proof that you do love. Because only that is forever here for you: the experience. The 'what'.


- As true and existing as a river flows through the shapes of the earth, so does my heart beat for times lost and times had. In peace, I find you always there. Always. -


Love,

C

Follow @carolinagruner on Instagram