Happiness

Anything you want you can have.

But be careful with WHY you want it.

Question yourself.
Question your wants.

Because if you want it for happiness,

Happiness is never what it will bring.



Love,

C

How it came to be.

Let go. Let go of your mind. Let go of your thoughts. Your analysing. Your rationality. Your odds. 

Let. Go. 

It is THIS moment that counts. This moment is everything you have. Everything you need. 

Believe. In THIS moment.

Trust. In THIS moment. 

No one is any more special than you. Nor less. No one has the odds stacked in their favour any different than you. 

It’s magic. 

It’s magic for everyone. 

When it comes to magic we are all equal. 

Let magic come from anywhere. 

Let it happen. 

Let go. 

And let it happen. 

It will come to be. 

When you let it happen. 

Don’t compare your magic to anyone else’s. Don’t let your mind do that: rationalise or explain how it could have happened for them but not for you. 

Why their magic was easier. More achievable. 

Magic is ALWAYS magic. No matter where it comes from. No matter in what shape it takes form. 

Remember this moment.

In this moment it is still magic. You are believing in magic. Trusting in magic. 

What happens after that - is magic. No matter where it comes from. 

Remember that. 

Don’t let your mind take control. 

Don’t compare yourself. Remember that.

Do not compare. 

All magic comes to be in the same way. Believing. In that moment - believing. Trusting. Allowing. Surrendering to it happening. 

Know it to be true.

And move on.

Don’t cling to your dream.

Move on.

Let life flow.

Don’t cling.

You only need one moment of knowing. Then move on. Love what you do. Love where you are. And move on. 

It will come to happen. 

Allow for it to happen. 

Don’t let your mind tell you why it cannot happen. 

And don’t compare. 

Any way it was or is possible for another - means it’s possible for you. Always.

Let other’s magic be proof of magic. But don’t compare. Don’t explain. Don’t rationalise. Don’t minimise. 

Let everything be magic. 

Let EVERYTHING be magic. 

That’s how magic comes to be. 



Love,

C

How to be what this world REALLY needs

These are things I feel are so important we recognise; about how we can change the energy of being frustrated or feel hopeless for not (yet) getting the recognition in life we feel we’d so want, need or deserve.

When we face these feelings, when we feel like giving up because things just aren’t going anywhere - THAT is when we have a true chance to find, and truly connect with, our TRUE value. And our value is our HEART.

If we don’t face challenges, if we get what and where we want “too easily”, we tend to SO (so so so) easily become consumed by our ego. Our ego is the part of us that does not like challenge. That does not like things not going our way. That does not want to be questioned. Our ego wants fame and fortune, and it wants it now. Our ego is also VERY easily flattered (and this is true for all of us) - and when flattered, quite quick to inflate. And when our ego gets flattered, when our ego gets stroked and grows big, we so very easily lose our way. What we do, who we are, becomes motivated by our ego, instead of rooted in our heart.

And how we root ourselves in our heart, is through challenges. Through test of faith. Through trying times. Because these are the times that only passion and dedication COMING FROM THE HEART, will get us through. These are the times when we have the chance to establish a TRUE bond to the motivation of what we do. A bond we will not forget or lose as easily when the flattering times finally come. And THIS is how we become what the world truly needs.

We live in a world dominated by ego; a world now at the brink of ruin. Because ego wants others to fall, in order to rise itself. But the heart knows so much better. The heart knows that the more we give, the more there is. The heart inspires, the heart supports, the heart takes care of each other - ALL of each other. Not only the ones who will get us somewhere. 

So if you’re aching to give up, knowing that you simply can’t - it’s because you know the world needs what your heart has to offer. So please, keep at it. You are SO important, and you are NOT alone.


Love love love,

Carolina

What happens when she farts?

We have to be that one thing.
That one sort of woman.
That seductive but innocent, shy but funny, stay-at-home but out-going, naturally smooth, gorgeous and careless, supportive but independent, and definitely not too emotional female.

But what happens when a woman stops being all of that.
When she's lying on the couch, dirty and smelly, in knee pouched sweatpants.
What happens when she farts and laughs about it. And that fart actually smells.
What happens when she yells at you because once again you've hurt her so deeply by not being there emotionally for her.
What happens when she makes funny faces, like actually ugly funny faces. (What happens when she's funnier than you?)
What happens when she's got hair in places she "didn't" when you met.
When she doesn't feel like being the sexy seductress that you thought she'd never stop being.

What happens when she cries a lot.
Or when she's sad a lot.
Or when she's lost in her life.
In herself.
In what matters.
What happens when she starts expecting things from you.
What happens when she's not all you thought she would be, but more.
More of that heavy stuff.
More of that ugly.
That sad.
That confused.
That emotional.
That demanding.

You think she's not who you thought she was. You think you don't know WHO she is.
Neither does she.
She thinks all of this is shameful. That all of this is wrong. That all of this are things she is not supposed to be.
But the truth is, she IS all of that. She is every single bit of what you see. ALL of what you see IS what makes her Her.

All.
Of.
It.

But we don't know that; you don't know that, and she doesn't know that. Because we are all taught that THAT is not what a woman is supposed to be.



XO,

C

How can we trust men?

How can we trust men, when men are the ones we're taught to be afraid of.
How can we feel safe with men, when we are taught that no other being on this earth will hurt us intentionally - except for men.
How can we trust men, when men tell us we should not trust men. How can we believe men, when we are taught that we can't.
How can we even trust that one, when men tell us to at least not trust the one who says he should be trusted.

How can we not?

How can we live with men at ease, when we are taught that we need to stay cautious around men.
How can we feel good around men, when men are the ones telling us we're never good enough.
How can we rise next to men, when men tell us we are incapable. How can we break boundaries, when men keep building them.
How can we respect men, when men don't respect us?

How can we not?

How can we feel free to speak, when men tell us to shut up. How can we be quiet, when men are taking the liberty to speak for us. How can we not feel gagged, when men are putting words in our mouth.
How can we feel free, when men want us chained. 

How can we not?

How can we love men, after centuries and centuries of suppression, violation, manipulation and neglect. 
How can we approach men, with so much unwillingness to hear us.
How can we ever come close to men, with so much distortion to truly see us.

How can we not?

How can we not feel anger for all the oppression and greed?
How can we not feel resentment for all the unfairness and abuse?
How can we not feel desperation over how deep it lies buried and how high the walls reach?
How can we not feel hopeless?
How can we not feel helpless?
How can we not be screaming, when you refuse to hear us?

How is it, that we need to work so hard for our voice, when but a whisper from you is what determines the truth?

How is it, that we are not equal to you?
How is it, that we are not respected by you?

How can we not?



Love love love,

the Woman in me

My obsession.

The reason why I wanted to stop wearing makeup, to stop shaving the parts of my body where women are "not supposed to" have hair, was because I felt these things - that makeup and being "smooth" - had a power over me that I did not want them to have; the power of how I felt about myself. What I would wear, how I would act, how I would interact, my mood, how I would express myself, what I felt like or didn't feel like doing, were basically all dependent on how I felt my face looked and where I did or did not have hair.

So in an effort to get rid of this, to regain my power, I decided to stop wearing makeup and to stop shaving. To learn to love myself, see myself, feel, be, behave and do everything I would do with makeup and shiny shaved legs. I told myself that in doing this I was fighting inequality, rebelling against a warped norm, determined to love myself - no matter what, and no matter how uncomfortable it made me. And yes, I did reach a point where I now look at my makeup free face differently, where my hairy, haaairy legs are not as frightening to look at as they used to be - and I am truly happy about this. However though, what I was looking for - a sense a freedom - was still nowhere to be found.

So one day, as I once again stood there with a head full of thoughts about how I should be feeling about myself, questioning myself, wondering why it was so hard, why I still felt so uncomfortable, why I even was doing this (to myself) - I asked myself: What was my actual goal in this? What was my intention? And it hit me. What I was looking for, what I was striving to do, was to start feeling good about myself. To free myself from the prison of allowing how I looked to determine how I felt. To rise above all that, to become more aware, more at peace, more present, feel more joy and more love. But all I was doing was - again - spending all my time obsessing over my (now hairy) body.

I had changed one prison for another. Swapped one boyfriend for another. But I still felt the same, because I had not changed. I still thought the key to self love, the key to feeling good on the inside, would come from how I viewed the outside. But it is not so. It simply is not so. Just gain a kilo or two or ten, lose some hair, find some wrinkles or get some scars - and you'll realise: You thought you loved yourself, but it was only you liking what you saw.


Lovelovelove,

Carolina

I 💗 my ex.

Your ex's are are your best teachers. But not your best teachers about how men/women "are", or "can be". But about you; how you are. How you can be.
There's actually no point in moving on, or in trying to move on, until you've realised this. For no one will ever be different - until you realise this. Because until you realise this, you will remain the same. You will be the same. And as long as you are the same, it is impossible for you to see anything or anyone else but the ones who are the same. The ones who are the same as your ex.

Think about it.


Love love love,

Carolina

Poor me.

If only we understood, that things are exactly how we perceive them to be. Nothing more, and nothing less. That they will always be only and exactly that: what we perceive them to be. That it in fact is impossible for something to be other than that, which we perceive it to be. (Think about it; your mind, your perception, is the one who determines what something is!)

A price of an item for example: For one it is too expensive, for another just the right price - might even be too cheap! Which one is the right price then? Yours? Why not theirs? You say Yes, for me it is too expensive, but for them maybe not, because they have more money than I. But: They might actually have the exact same amount of money in their bank account, as many children, the same mortgage - everything - and still see the value of the price differently than you.

Or a situation: For one, it is life - once again - being so difficult/unfair. Like Why do these things just keep happening to me?!? For the other, these things don't actually even happen. Why? Well, because life, happenings, situations, can never be other than that, which you perceive it to be. (You might feel like arguing this, but this is the truth.) So, if I don't see life/happenings/situations as things happening to poor little helpless me - then that is exactly how my life is going to be. But: if life always seems to happen to me, then that is my perception, and therefore life simply cannot be anything else but that.

Your life will never be other than that, which you focus upon; than that of your perception. Things will always be too expensive - no matter how much or little money you have - because you'll always choose to perceive them as such. Things will always keep happening to you, if that's how you perceive them to be; things happening to you. 

All - and I mean aaall - of the responsibility lies in us. In our perception of things. That is the only thing you can change. And with changing that -  e v e r y t h i n g  will actually change. Even the prices of things. This actually a promise.


Big love,

Carolina

Follow your fears.

I have wanted to write a book for years and years now. I've absolutely adored writing ever since I learnt how to. Loved how placing the words a certain way, sentences after each other, how playing with synonyms and meanings - all become like a work of art. A picture. Many pictures in fact. It's just a world of its own. And I actually believed, like really believed, I was good at it, until I was about 13 or 14 and our new teacher told us, we shouldn't think too much of ourselves. Annika, I think her name was. A person whose main goal seemed to be to tear us down from dreaming/being "naive", and into "reality". I remember, how slowly, but very surely, her classes and the way she gave feedback, suffocated my flame and my love for writing, and killed my belief in my skill.

So writing a book is a place of big insecurities for me. Filled with fear of not being good enough. Of what do I have to offer that is so special. But it's my dream. It's something I want to do. Something I would do, if anything and everything was possible. And that's exactly why I am going to do it: Because the only thing keeping me from going there is fear (disguised as "reason", I may add). And this amount of fear, all this "reason", is the reason I know I need to do this. That I am meant to do this. Otherwise, I simply would not care. Otherwise, I simply would not fear. It's what we love the most that we fear the most. So follow your fears, and you'll know exactly where your dreams are.


Love love live,

Carolina 

Why we hurt so much.

We can do yoga, we can meditate, we can surround ourselves with crystals, religion and matcha lattes - but we cannot find true peace, true happiness, true balance, true freedom or true health - without realising the importance of our past - and doing the work of releasing it.

We are a product of our hurts. And for as long as we are that, so will our children be. This hurt has been passed down from generation to generation. We are a product of our ancestors' view of "normal". We carry their patterns, their views, their ways. Their behaviour, their traditions, thoughts and feelings. And we do this all without realising it. Without questioning it. It's all in our subconscious and it dictates and steers every single decision we make in life. How we think and feel about ourselves, how we think and feel about others. How we treat ourselves, how we treat others. And if we do not question this, if we do not dare question our ancestors, ourselves, our choices, our ways, our feelings - all that has been given to us - we will keep raising new generations in the same old way.

And this way that is not working anymore. It's not working for humanity, it's not working for the individual. It's definitely not working for this planet, nor the ones we share this planet with.

Until we, as a generation, realise this: that this world will never change, unless we change ourselves, until we question everything about ourselves - we will leave this world a lesser place than the one we arrived to.

Love love love,

Carolina

I am nothing.

We are nothing. We are not even the image of ourselves that we perceive ourselves to be. But still, we are whole. Actually, our wholeness is in the nothing. It's just that it has become our nature to distract ourselves from this nothingness. And in the fear of feeling nothing, we justify and normalise everything that leads us away from feeling whole. (Ironically, in the name of finding what makes us whole...)

All this personal growth, all these things, achievements, titles, thoughts, processes... When it comes down to it - they are not what gives me true peace. They are not what makes me feel whole. They give me temporary kicks, yes. They keep me distracted, yes. And the chase for something "better" keeps me busy, gives me a momentary sense of purpose. But when they fade, when the goals are reached and the thoughts thought, I feel this heavy emptiness again.

And then I stumble upon Jim Carrey saying that we are nothing. That nothing in fact is anything. That things just happen. And that he found great peace in this. Well, the only thing I found was anxiety, confusion and resistance. But I was intrigued. Greatly intrigued. (My next personal growth challenge - yay!) Yet, I still didn't want to think it, I still didn't want to accept it; that I would be nothing. Because with that thought - what's my purpose? Why would I be here, why would we all be here, if we are nothing? But I am now realising that the search for purpose is what actually creates the feeling of no purpose. Because if you have to look for it, that in itself already means it is lost. But if you accept that it is already there, then that is where it will be: there.

So, basically what this means is that we lose ourselves when we start looking for ourselves. When we're asked what we want to be when we grow up. When we're asked what we want out of life. We don't need to figure it out, because it's already there. We already are, and that's the whole point. What we need is to learn to accept that. That we don't need to make ourselves up, to find a role (and then hold on to that role with our dear lives). What we need is to accept that in a world where nothing is good enough, the nothing is what's good enough.

Lovelovelove,

Carolina

Why you should do everything in your power to make your woman feel good about herself.

This is a hard text for me to write - and especially to publish - because it opens up an issue I have a hard time accepting and admitting about myself: That I need care. That I need comfort. That I need someone to tell me I'm beautiful, that I'm adorable. It forces me to admit that I need confirmation, that I need safety. And that I need someone to help remind me of who I really am. 

(Please note that this is my side of birth.)

Childbirth changed me. A. Fricking. Lot. Before I had my baby, before I had carried her for nine months, before I had spent two days pushing her out, I felt a freedom in my body that I don't remember ever feeling before. For a few years, I explored myself. My powers. My energy. My possibilities. I had fun. But I've lost that sense of freedom now. It got lost in a body that literally turned inside out, and the consequences of that. It got lost in me losing my Self, in me hurting, in me not knowing whether I was up or whether I was down. And I've struggled so with the feeling that this is so unfair. That I have to do all this work again, to find my way back to that free place - a place I already spent 30 something years on finding. (And it was not a picnic, I can tell you. But yes, always worth the work.)

This is why you should do everything in your power to make your woman feel good about herself - still loooong after birth. As she might not know where she is anymore. Where that woman is. She might find the mother in herself. The partner. The caretaker. But the woman, the woman that laughs carelessly with you, the woman that enjoys with you, the woman that is funny, quirky, happy, adorable, mysterious, free. If she's lost, you need to help find her. You need to do everything - and then some - to help bring her back. Because you have a baby together. You are in this - together. Your woman carries your baby for you. She nurtures your baby, she sacrifices her body, she sacrifices her Self.

So if you don't know who that woman opposite you is anymore. If you don't know where the woman you once knew went. Then it's your duty to find out. It's your duty to see if she's okay. Not blame her for getting lost. Not blame her for becoming a mother. If you started your relationship to this woman with notes, with compliments, with gifts, with hugs, with touches, with hints - with whatever - you need to continue what you started. Because if you stop - when she is going through the biggest change of her life, the change that forces her to rediscover and redefine every single thing about herself - if you take away what you once gave that woman, then you will give her confirmation that you also do not see her anymore. That she's invisible. That she simply is not there. And if neither of you know where that woman is, if neither of you see her or is the one who remembers - then you might both lose sight of her forever.

Birth changes everything. Time changes everything. But some things need to stay the same.

Lovelovelove,

Carolina

No more Good Girls.

How many of you grew up to be the Good Girl? The girl that pleases everyone. The girl who always puts everyone else's needs first. Even at her own expense. The girl who doesn't even know she has a choice, that she - her wants and needs - are of as much value as anyone else's. I did.

I've been finding myself saying Good Girl to Grace a lot lately (comes out like I'm on auto pilot or something) - when I want to give her thanks for doing as I say, for doing the "right" thing, a good thing... And every time I do, I find myself feeling bad. Every time something tells me I'm doing the wrong thing. Because being a Good Girl has actually been the worst thing I have been. Being a Good Girl I never knew I had choice. That my will mattered. That it was of value. That I was of value. Instead I thought my will was a burden. Ugly. Unattractive. Annoying. I was meant to please other's will. I was meant to take others into consideration. Other people's wills, wants, choices and needs.

So, as I'm using Good Girl as a way of expressing my appreciation to Grace, my thank you - why am I not saying that, what I actually mean - Thank You! Would that change anything? Where would that lead? Would it lead to Grace knowing I am grateful for her choice? That her choice matters? That she has a choice. That her will matters? Will she teach herself which choice feels good and which not? Will she learn that her self worth is not in if she pleases others (not even me), but in the choices she decides to make. Will she feel the freedom of knowing she is loved for who she is - not for being a Good Girl. Because children do understand, that where there's good there is bad. And for a child, being bad means being unloved. And no one wants to be unloved, least a child. So a child will do everything in their power to stay loved. And in the quest to do so, the child's own will and person disappears, as all she seeks out are ways to be a good girl. To be The Good Girl. To be loved.

Love,

Carolina

Once you go gut, you can't go 'but'.

To listen to one's gut/intuition. That's a tricky one sometimes. Some might even say they can't hear it. Don't have it, never have (=ultimate untruth). Think their life is simply too hectic, too busy, too noisy to have the peace and quiet - or even the opportunity - to hear it. That one simply isn't one of the lucky ones to just go through life following one's feeling. But it doesn't work like that. The gut is a whisper, yes. And the more zen you are, the louder the voice of the gut becomes. But you don't ever have to start off with being super zen to hear your gut. The voice is there - and you know it. You just need to dare listen to it, dare believe it - over your brain - when it says something.

If I had to give the brain one word, it would be 'but'. 'But' is the brain's absolute favourite. Because after 'but' comes all the reasons (read excuses); why something simply could not happen, why something would never work, why it is not the right time, why something is just plain impossible, and so on and so on and so on. The brain tells us that following one's gut would be dangerous, risky, full of drama. But it only says that, because drama is the brain's expertise. Drama is actually all our brain knows. Risk assessment. From danger. And danger = drama. But the truth is, that my life has only been drama when I've chosen to ignore my gut and allowed for my brain to take the lead. When I've come up with excuses instead of being brave enough to listen to, and believe, what my intuition is telling me. And all of a sudden everything feels like hell. Nothing runs smoothly and nothing goes my way. But that's not life's, that is not the circumstances' nor anyone else's fault. That is me not owning up to the responsibility of listening to, and believing, my gut.

It's so much easier to believe the brain, isn't it. Because that's what we're taught. That we have this mighty, wise brain. The most important thing. And we hear it so loud, because it is so frigging loud. Drama always is. But life flows in a different way when you follow your gut. Of course, there will always be challenges, but the wave is different. The ease. The evolution. One moves forward in a different way. There's never the feeling of having to force something to happen. There's acceptance. Balance. Harmony. In a very different way.

So what if you tried it. Follow your gut. Wait for the smallest of feelings. That tiny little tenth of a second, when something tells you to do something. You'll know it's your gut talking, if your brain starts going all crazy with reasons as to why you should not follow through with it.


Love,

C

About hairy women.

The world will never change if we don't have the courage to change ourselves. To go out of our comfort zone, to go against and question the norm. There is such great injustice in so many things in this world. So much inequality. And I know body hair might not seem like the biggest of them all. But it is actually huge. It is a great injustice; the woman cannot feel accepted in her natural state, whilst the man is free to do so. The man can walk the street with armpit hair sticking out, and no one would ever think to question or point it out to him. But if a woman has the audacity to do so, the whole world feels they have the right to point out how disgusting she is. How unsanitary, how provocative. How she should feel ashamed.

I started shaving when I was about 12 or 13 years old. I started because I was told (by example, by society, by commercials, magazines....) that my bodily hair is absolutely disgusting. And ever since, I have never done anything not aware of my body hair. I have never been close or intimate with someone and not thought about if the my stubby legs or armpits or whatever were off putting. And if I was newly shaved, I thought about how I luckily was so. I have never put on a bikini, worn shorts or gone to the sauna not thinking about my body hair. Not even if I was alone. I have never raised my arms in front of someone not thinking if my armpits are shaved enough. My body hair has been a prison for me my whole adolescent and adult life. And now I'm looking at Grace, thinking: Is this something I want to pass on? The answer is: absof*ckinglutely NOT. I want her to be free from this prison. To enjoy, to feel empowered, beautiful, accepted - just the way she is. To never have a doubt. But I cannot simply teach her that by telling her, if I don't lead by example, because she will imitate all I do. She already does. And there's no escaping the fact, that if I shave, she will shave. This is actually a major issue for me right now, as it's the most scariest thought ever: to be hairy. In public. In front of Sam. In front of my friends and family. Even in front of myself. 

So the question now is: Will I be a coward and just put the responsibility of being brave enough to brake free onto Grace, or will I step up and be the change I wish to see...

Lovelovelove,

Carolina