April 28, 2016

Ex's and benefits.

Relationships come with ex's. Beautiful ex's, handsome ex's, successful ex's, haunting ex's. Ex's that make the present ones fight within themselves, battling with the image of how it was compared to how it now is. Ex's with striking Instagram accounts, that make you question who you are compared to all of that...

Ex's will always have the benefit of having been there before you. Of sharing something special, of having created something intimate - with the one that you now love. Memories, fights, reactions that you'll never know about. All with the one who now has your heart. You can choose to be afraid of all they had. To feel the intimidation of their unknown. Of everywhere they went, of all that they experienced, of every Sunday walk they took. You can choose to compare yourself to the other, to dream up their past reality. His feelings when he was with her. What he thought when he looked at her. What it was that once made him fall in love with her... But the truth is: No matter what they had, you gained from them having it. They shared something both of them needed to go trough - together. Your loved one would not be where he is nor who he is if it wasn't for his ex('s). It is your present that benefits from their shared past.

So cherish the ex's, as they helped carry and lift him here - to the level that you are now enjoying. To the sides that you, in this time, fell in love with. To the timing that suited you both. Be thankful and be grateful - and no matter what they went through, respect what once was. Simply stop the insecurity of comparing. After all, you would not want to be her. You would not wish to have what they had. As with being and having all of that - you would now be your loved one's ex.



April 23, 2016

I planned none of this.

All of a sudden I am sharing a home with someone, am engaged after 4,5 months, getting married in a couple of them and expecting a child within six. None of this I planned. And I never planned for it all to happen at once. To be doing it all at once. What will there be to look forward to after all of this has taken place?

E v e r y t h i n g .

There is not a fixed amount of things that bring us happiness in life. But we easily live accordingly. We live for these certain happenings that will give us the feeling of meaning, purpose and happiness. Something to look forward to, something to dream about, to work for, to wait for... Things that after achieving we feel empty, with only the fondness of memories to look back on and remember. Yes, these things are beautiful and wonderful and all of the adjectives to those. But they are not all there is. Every day, every minute, every second, has something in it that we can experience. Opportunities approaching, doors opening, windows closing. It's happening all the time. But if we put all our hope, our time and our value into these grand moments in life, if we plan too much ahead, we will miss out on all the rest. All the unexpected opportunities. We will become blind to any other possibilities around us. To anything more for us.

So while doing it "all" at once I am not afraid there will be nothing more to look forward to afterwards. I am not afraid that the near future can hold nothing more that will rock my world equally much as these things have and do. On the contrary - I know there are endless experiences continuously coming my way. All I need is to continue keeping my eyes, my ears and especially my heart open. As open as it was when it welcomed the unexpected magic of Sam into my life, the peace of our home, the uniting of families and soon the beauty of a sweet, little someone.

If you want to live a life that is more than you ever could have expected - then allow for the unexpected to appear.

Love, love, love,


April 16, 2016

Losing friends and growing pains.

Our lives are a direct reflection of what we believe about ourselves. Our worth, our value, our belief in our own potential.
Ask yourself: are you happy or are you bitter? Is your life standing still or are you moving forward? Who are you sharing your life with? Does this person or these people make you happy? What are you doing with your time? What are your trials, your challenges, your victories? And last but not least: how do you feel about other people's happiness and/or success? When it comes to showing happiness and/or success, are you on the giving or the receiving end of "Don't show too much", "Do not succeed too well", "Don't be too happy" or you will remind me of everything I lack in my life? The answer to this one will pretty much determine how you truly feel about your life. You can fool yourself in all of the other questions, but not when it comes to how you feel about other people. How you feel about others is how you feel about yourself. If you do not truly wish others well, you will not do well yourself.

So many of us fall into the first category, where instead of sucking it up and taking responsibility for our own happiness in life we try to keep those around us equally un- or moderately happy. Or at least keep them from showing their happiness too much. We don't want them to be too happy for their happiness or believe in their success too much. We may even look down at the happy ones for having the audacity to be flaunting their goods around and making us feel bad. And often remind them of how unfair it is that they simply are so lucky. That everything seems to be so, so easy for them.

We choose to do all of this because unhappiness - or moderate happiness - is safe. It's safe to always have something to complain about. Something that is always someone or something else's fault. Yes, the thought of life not being up to us is comforting, but it's not the truth. Life is up to each and every one of us. We are all dealt different hands, but it is up to us how we choose to use these hands. With what attitude we choose to see our chances. If the comfort of non-responsibility is what we will choose, then fine. But let's not be bitter at the ones who dare go outside of it. Or try to keep them down. Let's not expect of our close ones - or even of strangers - to stay where we choose to be in order to keep us feeling sort of safe. I believe true happiness and success come through discomfort. The discomfort of growing. But that's what growing is: uncomfortable and even painful. But always worth it. No one wants to stay a baby for the rest of their lives (I think). We are here to grow. And growing means reaching and therefore achieving more. We only have to dare to live in and with discomfort for an undetermined while. With the awkwardness that is change. To not hold on to what once was, but to allow the possibility and almost certainty of growing pains. We may lose some friends, family, partners or jobs, but for everything we lose there will be more to gain. "No pain, no gain." There's truth to every cliché out there.

Lots of xoxo,