Why do you love the ones that hurt me. Why do you not leave them all behind. Why do you exaggerate my strength and belittle the bruise they cause me. Why are they weak, and I not frail to their faults? I wonder why you care so much what they think of me. Why you not ask that of yourself. And why are they so worthy? Why not me - or you - instead.
Of all the worth you see in them, did you ever find it in yourself? As you stared into the fire, did you dim your own light down? Did you scatter yourself along with all the ashes, did you bury yourself deep down inside. Do you ever question if it is you whom he abandoned. Do you ever way your worth to what he chose. Or do you reminisce the way he looked at you, and do you then reflect yourself in those eyes. Because he did not mean to hurt you. He did not mean to disappear. He did not want you to suffer. To neglect the girl whose freedom was his love. Whose safety was his existence. Whose worth was found in the lap that too soon was gone.
Love from beyond,
Carolina
November 13, 2015
November 12, 2015
And then there was you.
There was her.
She was a child, a sensitive child. A child that inhaled every word, loved a bit too much and needed what was not there to be given. What no one could understand. She was a sensitive soul, and she needed to be good. To be comfortable for the ones around her. To make it easy, to fit in. So she shut herself up and locked herself in. In her flaw of being too much, she wrapped herself and hid it away. And baring a tight cloth of shame, she became an embodiment of contradictions, always afraid of never being enough - of forever being too much.
Then there was you.
You, who found what was hidden, as if you had already known what to look for. You, who saw what she thought no one wanted to see. You, who knew exactly how to treat her. You, who came from out of nowhere and loved her like you had known the girl that once had inhaled every word. The girl who had loved a bit too much, who had needed what was not there to be had. And without her knowing, you made it past her previous lifetime. Without her knowing, you carefully found your way through all she had scattered along her path. You gently asked for her hand to rest in yours, as she unwrapped herself. As she reconnected with her shame. And as she unravelled her cloth in tears, you were there to kiss her. You took her in your arms and you carried her. You carried her through all she thought would never be enough, and up above all she had feared would always be too much. And what she had thought was her burden, suddenly became her strength. What had been surrounded by dark, was now her source of light. With the light in your eyes, with the strength of your love, she had finally found her resurrection.
And then there was us.
To my Sam.
Love,
Carolina
She was a child, a sensitive child. A child that inhaled every word, loved a bit too much and needed what was not there to be given. What no one could understand. She was a sensitive soul, and she needed to be good. To be comfortable for the ones around her. To make it easy, to fit in. So she shut herself up and locked herself in. In her flaw of being too much, she wrapped herself and hid it away. And baring a tight cloth of shame, she became an embodiment of contradictions, always afraid of never being enough - of forever being too much.
Then there was you.
You, who found what was hidden, as if you had already known what to look for. You, who saw what she thought no one wanted to see. You, who knew exactly how to treat her. You, who came from out of nowhere and loved her like you had known the girl that once had inhaled every word. The girl who had loved a bit too much, who had needed what was not there to be had. And without her knowing, you made it past her previous lifetime. Without her knowing, you carefully found your way through all she had scattered along her path. You gently asked for her hand to rest in yours, as she unwrapped herself. As she reconnected with her shame. And as she unravelled her cloth in tears, you were there to kiss her. You took her in your arms and you carried her. You carried her through all she thought would never be enough, and up above all she had feared would always be too much. And what she had thought was her burden, suddenly became her strength. What had been surrounded by dark, was now her source of light. With the light in your eyes, with the strength of your love, she had finally found her resurrection.
And then there was us.
To my Sam.
Love,
Carolina
November 08, 2015
He's a hunter, he's a fisherman, he's a dentist. He's my father.
728 days ago I wrote this. And it still applies. It will always apply.
"This one is for you, Pap.
"This one is for you, Pap.
I think you will never fully understand the effect you have had on my life, and how much I truly adore you. How thankful I am for the hard times you and I had, and for the love that was strong enough to turn all of that into good. You have one of the kindest hearts I know. And you know how to fix just about anything. You are the one I can always call, knowing you'll always answer with the same happy hello. I don't know how many times you told us to be tolerant - to have tolerance - but the times were countless, and they payed off. You have succeeded in making a tolerant bunch out of the three of us. And all the adventures you stubbornly took us upon, taught me that there is no dream impossible enough to follow. One only needs to have enough patience to see the dream come true. You are the father who congratulated me when I decided to quit my job and take a leap of faith into the unknown. Your words - and your enthusiasm - gave me all the courage I needed - when I needed it the most. I am proud of you and I love you. So stand up straight, and be proud of yourself. Love yourself. Because you have done a good job. You are the best father you could be. And I love you for being you."
Happy Father's Day.
Love,
Nina
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