Whose responsibility is it to prove to us that what has happened to us in the past is not going to happen to us again? (Meaning experiences that have hurt us.) The next guy's/girl's? The guy/girl after the next one? 'Cause the guy/girl before proved to be a little bit better, but not completely. The third or forth guy/girl? Maybe not, but surely the fifth one has to be the one who proves they are not all jerks/the nagging type.
NO. It's no one's responsibility. No one's but our own. We so often move from one relationship or meeting to another expecting the person we meet to change our view of people, to heal and fix all our past wounds. To prove to us - once and for all - that "they are not all like that". And we need to admit it; that this is what we do. We look for a partner to fix everything from a broken home, a father who never kept his promises, a mother who never said 'I love you', an ex who lied or cheated, to the lack of hobbies or the bad habits we have. And for as long as we expect someone else to carry all that responsibility, all the burdon of our past experiences, be The Perfect One who just magically changes our whole perception of people, we will never have it. As long as we keep treating the past as proof of how our present and future might be, it will be just that. (Try it if you like. It's true.) It's up to us to change our perception and our expectations. No one else. And if we keep looking to the past for "guidance" on how things will work out, how people are, we will never be able to change the wrong into the right.
We are so used to comparing what we do have to what we did have. "He/she is more reliable than my ex", "He/she is more loving than my ex", "He/she doesn't drink as much as my ex", "He/she is less clingy than my ex".... We think this is giving compliments, being positive about the new person, but - once again - we are dragging the past into the present, somehow expecting the new person to prove the old one wrong. How can they do so if we keep focusing on the old? And can we focus on the old and still see the new one for who and what he/she really is? No, we can't. Because our main focus will be on the old, on the bad that we are trying to protect ourselves from. Doing all of this means we are not even capable of expecting anything other than similar or same experiences to what we've already had. And if we can't expect anything other than the old, we we will never see anything other than the old. And we can't meet what we cannot see...
The only way to meet someone totally new, someone who will prove them all wrong, is to stop digging for proof in our past. I'm sure you wouldn't agree that you yourself are proof of what someone else has done?
So before you swipe right the next time, be sure you've swiped your past to the left. And maybe the right swipe will get the chance of being your mr/mrs right.
Good luck!
Love,
