All the men that treated me badly.

Worry never helped no one. But I worried for how they treated me. All the men that treated my badly. For all they took for granted. The good they did not see. The care they did not value. The worry they did not feel. Oh, the hours I spent swimming there. In the pool of being mistreated. I dove, I drowned, I fought to surface. Simply to drown again. I cried what felt like oceans. And I blamed it all on them. Until the ocean reflected in me the attire which I wore. Head to toe in diving gear. Beautiful snorkel and all. It was a sight not easy to see. That I had been the one there swimming. Equipped and ready to take some more, martyr cloak to make me tall. I did not choose to strip and rise, but to snorkel and dive and call it drown. For all the worry, all the blame, all the hours I spent there swimming. I used as grounds of escaping myself. My fear of walking on naked land.
Worry never helped nobody. But I worried for how they treated me. I swam in the pool of constant mistreatment. On a blissful holiday - away from myself.



Swimming in the ocean now.


Love,

Carolina

Saints and victims doing it.

Quietly, graciously, fairy like they dance. They dance the dance of subtle blame. They trip around in a glory of guilt. Poor little dancers, mere victims of other's behaviour. For you do not know how to love them. How you are is what makes them hurt. Of the wrong that lives in your being. Of your choices that batter them down. They'll tell you how you should be. What you need to come to be better. Never meaning but to heal you. To mend your broken ways. And if what they say does hurt you. If what they do leads you astray. Then that is your mere misconception. An illness that you portray. But your relentless misunderstanding will be a burden they'll sacrifice to carry. The bullet they're ready to take. For all they are is innocent dancers. Forever victims of your ways. And all they did, they did for you. All they said, they said for you. Quietly, graciously, fairy like they dance. The innocent dance of such subtle blame.


(When everything is everybody else's fault, whose fault is it then really?)


Love,

Carolina

For the greatest of courage, is the one of facing oneself.

For the fear that took over, for the heart that broke. For how lost you became, I will make it all count. I will cherish what you've gone through. Make your life my guiding star. Your good has given me my courage, your bad my knowledge of a greater self. And even though you may not know it, you have done what most will never venture. What most will circumvent. You have shown the greatest of courage, you have been the greatest of strengths. You have mended what was a broken heart, you have changed the course of what had become a life. Under a sky of stars you dared accept the truth that lingered. Under a sky of stars you let all be what it needed to be. You faced what was, you tasted your poison. And without blame, without victims, without the escape of explanation, you gathered the courage and you faced yourself. From that moment on all became forgotten. From that moment on a new life had now begun. So for the fear that took over, you have shown the best of courage. For the heart that was broken, you have mended a soul. For how lost you became, you have shown a new dimension. So for all that you've done, for all you never got to, I will make all of it count. I will mend, I will love, I'll show courage, I'll inspire. I will cherish what we've gone through and I'll look to the stars. For in the stars is where I finally found you. In the stars is where you faced yourself.

Greatest of love,

Carolina