When things go your way, is your best friend genuinely happy for you? Do the words that come out of her mouth, truly match the rest of her being? Can you see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice - or does the effort behind her kind words simply seem like too much of an effort needed?
Is your gut telling you exactly this, but as she is your best friend, you choose to ignore it. To give her the benefit of the doubt. To believe her words - not her actions. And have you over time learnt to not make too much of a fuss of yourself. Have you learnt to dim yourself down - in order to make and keep her happy. To avoid any more of the awkwardness of you having to second guess your best friend's words.
Now replace your best friend with co-worker, partner, lover, family member, other friends. How does it make you feel to live with that around you? With people who do not support you. Who are not or cannot genuinely be happy for you. For I am sure you (and/or your gut) have stumbled upon it. There is even so much of it in our society, it is so common, that we most often don't even recognize it. Because this is the norm: We hate on the ones who have it "better". That's just the way it is. But why is that? And why is this okay? Why is it acceptable to not be happy for others? Why is it okay to "jokingly" say 'Oh how I hate you for having such a beautiful home/for going on your fabulous trips.' 'Oh no, you cannot lose weight, because that will make me feel bad about my weight.' 'You're so lucky/privileged it's unfair.'.... Why is this how we communicate? And how we feel. Why don't we demand more of ourselves - and of the people around us. Of society.
I had to drastically distance and isolate myself, in order to finally, truly be able to feel and to believe that it is my right to be happy. To have it good. Really good. That I don't have to feel ashamed for the beautiful home I live in (which, for the scepticts, is not because "daddy pays"). That I don't have to hide the fact that I feel good about myself. (I used to hate myself. I used to hide myself behind layers and layers of unhealthy habits, and I will not be expected to tone myself down after having broken free from that self-hate.) That I don't have to belittle the fact that my love life is like something out of the movies. That I know everything always will be more than right. And that my every single day looks and is exactly how I want it to look and be. These things are everyone's rights. And me having them is not away from anyone else.
Hard times brought me here, and hard times teach us. But that does not mean that we have to stay in the hard times. For there comes a time when enough is enough. When you have to learn what the hard times taught you - and move on. My hard times taught me that I do not have to be my friends', my lovers', my co-workers', my family members' nor any strangers' training wheels on the path to becoming a better person anymore. I learnt that wishing well for others needs to become a two-way street. And that it is up to each and every one of us to become the person who can feel happy for another. Who can thrive in another's joy - as genuinely as we already do in another's sorrow.
Love,
C
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