August 22, 2016

Just wait and see...

I want you to allow me to feel good. I want you to allow me to have my perfect, happy and harmonious life - without you telling me Just wait and see (or Let's hope it stays that way). I have "waited and seen" my whole life. And yes, things have happened - they always do! Because things are meant to happen. As that is what life is: Change. Life is growing and adapting, and living life - exactly that. So if we accept and respect and welcome this fact, this fact of life, if we stop trying to resist change and so desperately work on preventing things from happening, then this is when our life truly begins. This is when life starts feeling easy. Fun. Good. Exciting. As the mere meaning of life is to learn to be alive. And alive means growing with life. With its ups and its downs and all that pushes (and hopefully breaks) our boundaries. Change should not be scary. Change should be what we expect, what we hope for, something we embrace. As without change we stagnate. And with stagnation we slowly deteriorate. (I think that is why so many of us are uneasy and unhappy. We hide and run from change, terrified of what it could bring. We simply are bored with life and ourselves.)

So now I'm pregnant and surrounded by Just wait and see's. Just wait and see how this baby will change you. Just wait and see how she'll consume your lives. Just wait and see how she'll keep you from painting. How nights will be sleepless and calm mornings but a distant memory. Just wait and see - things will never be the same...

Well, of course they won't. That's not what I was expecting. That's not why I am expecting. I wanted change. I am choosing change. So why should I perceive these changes as something threatening? Why are you warning me about them? Of course she'll change our lives. But how is in the attitude we choose. Having her will not eliminate all I have at this time, but add to the life that I have at this time. And I can choose to see all she'll need as "taking". Or I can choose to see it as her giving. As her giving me the gift of evolving again. As her giving me the gift of changing. Thanks to her, I'll learn to be creative in new ways. Thanks to her I'll learn a new focus. Thanks to her I'll probably become even more efficient, as thanks to her I'll learn to paint with someone there. Thanks to her I'll have the same amount of time in a day, now multiplied with moments. And we will teach her what our mornings are for. And we'll embrace the change, not fight against and complain about the change.

So having her here will enable me to once again expand myself. To grow, to learn, to find new sides of myself. And that is why my life is so beautiful. Because no matter what comes my way - I love it and welcome it in my own way. I make it a part of my life, not the fight of my life. And this I always will. I do wait and see, but not through tension and horror. And our baby on the way, will never be a baby in the way.


Love,

Carolina

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