"No. I'm happy now."

Hello, my dear ones. I am back in the world of writing.
A while back a good friend of mine asked me if I had done any writing lately (she knows writing is important to me), and my answer was: "No. I'm happy now.". Already, in the moment when I said it, it felt weird. Like a really bad excuse not to be doing something you love: because you're happy?! I thought about my answer, and I realized that the problem for me is that it's so much easier to put the bad into words, than it is the good. When I feel bad I know exactly how to express myself, finding words for every emotion, endless synonyms for describing every inch of every layer of darkness inside of me. But when I'm happy... Then what? It ends there: "I'm happy."? One word to describe the feeling that this whole world seems to be pursuing? Sounds - and is - ridiculous.
So why is it, that it's easier to put words on the bad than it is on the good? I am sure I am not the only one with this little issue. Is it because of the fear of losing the good if we express it? A "Hide the light in the dark, that way no one can find it and take it away from us" mentality? I think yes. And I think it's because we are brought up to pursue happiness. That way, when we finally get a glimpse of it, we automatically fear losing it. Because, in our minds, happiness is hard to get. Something not for everyone, like winning the lottery... So what would happen if we were taught that happiness is attainable - in every situation? That it's not something you pursue, but somethig you already have. You just have to focus on it, find words for it, express it, talk about it instead of pointing out the sh*tty weather. At least one part of the population knows how to pull this off: our children. So what is it that, at some point in our lives, decides that the state, which for a younger human being is natural, isn't an OK state for an older human being? Something to think about maybe...

I have so much more to say about this, about the good and the bad. And this blog, I'm sure, is going to be about both. However, I'm going to leave you with this thought for now and make a promise to myself to learn to write when I'm happy.

Love,

C

Dedicated to my friend, Darya.

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